Summer Lessons Ch. 6

37. Your child may not sit still for long. Try confusing them and putting Dora from the spanish channel on. This will rock their world and they will sit still trying to figure it out. Awesome!!

38. If you wanna see a man's jaw drop to the floor, call G.I. Joe a barbie for boys. Just be sure you say it in a dark theatre so he can't go off on you.

39. You're getting old when you get home from a date and talk about how you used to meet up for your dates at that time of night.

40. You think you're going to be safe seeing an action movie since you cry so easily but really watching Megan Fox run around for 2 1/2 hours when you are just shy of 8 months pregnant does nothing, and I mean nothing, for your self esteem. Even if she is an idiot.

41. Marriage is all about teamwork. Especially when it comes to toddlers and splinters.

42. This one is for the guys:
"Hypothetical" situation.
Wife who is very pregnant: Hey, the baby is due next month!
Husband who is braindead: Whose baby?
Not only is this the wrong response but she will not believe you when traffic just "suddenly" gets busy and you have to rush off the phone.

43. The great bribe of watching T.V. and eating cereal in Mommy's bed wears off fast. Goodbye long showers. Goodbye smooth legs.

44. "I push button Mommy!" in a proud voice can mean anything. You have two options. You can spend a good hour searching the house to determine which button she actually pushed and let it drive you crazy or you can take stock of anything that could blow up the house and then move on to sweeping the kitchen floor again.